i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
