you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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