the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
