Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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