So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
