They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
