Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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