This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
