I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
