if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
