Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
