if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
