there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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