Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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