And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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