good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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