You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
