His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
