She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
