i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
