your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
