i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
