she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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