is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When did angry sex become our thing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
