Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
