well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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