They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
