I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
