I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
