I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
