we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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