Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
