yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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