If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
