so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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