Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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