When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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