WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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