That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
