is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
