I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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