yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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