Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
