there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
