I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
