my sisters under your porch take her home
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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