will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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