Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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