Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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