Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
