If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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