we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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